So I was thinking about how artists have those “about me” / “about the artist” pages on their websites and I like that it feels like an invitation to know an artist a bit more personally and see how they define themselves. As I’ve said before I believe art can’t exist in a vacuum, there’s no separation between the artist and their work. When I was thinking about making one of those “about me” pages, I felt like it wouldn’t do justice compared to blog posts which are admittedly out of my comfort zone but nothing about any of this was in my comfort zone so if anything, I’m being consistent and staying on course. If there are grammatical errors or sentences that are way too long, I don’t care. My intention with this is to type out whatever comes up that is exciting to me in the moment and publish it, I don’t edit my journal when I write so I’m applying the same logic here.
I was saying to some friends recently when we were talking about ai, I think an interesting “consequence” of ai is the contrast it creates, I feel like we’ve never celebrated how precious “imperfect” self-expression is until now. I think imperfect is a dumb word, maybe raw* self-expression fits better. There is a lot of similarities between writing and painting, the more free I let myself be with it, the more I flow and when you get into a flow, you don’t care about anything beyond it. I don’t know the specifics of the end result or how to get there but I can listen to something greater in me that does know and that’s why I want to write or paint or do whatever in the first place. This is what I come back to when my little human brain starts a “what if” doomsday party, what if I am not doing enough, what if it doesn’t work out, what if people think this or think that, blah blah blah. I shut it down so fast because what a waste of energy, there’s no way I am wasting a day let alone years of my life in that spiral.
I love getting into a flow because there’s no thoughts. There’s nothing really, I forget I have a body. Mind you, I don’t see thoughts as good or bad, they are just a neutral byproduct of a functioning brain but I notice those “what if” ones can get loud when I take them too personally, instead of either being non-responsive or if I feel like it, using it as a prompt for contemplation. Let’s say I had a “what if” thought that this blog makes no sense (which I did), like okay that’s the point. It’s a brain dump, it’s raw, there’s no planning. I had the idea like an hour ago to try this and now I’m executing it cause why not, if I don’t take my interests seriously and listen to myself, what exactly am I doing here? now we’re getting philosophical WIDDIT and the thought is so far removed from my mind, usually at this point I feel appreciative for the silly thought that prompted the reframe.
Back in May, I wrote about how “momentum feels like an ebb and flow that gives back, a rhythm of constriction followed by expansion and so on” and I like noticing this constriction/expansion pattern in everythinggg. It’s in the process of writing, painting, dancing, relationships, breathing, etc, etc. “What if” thought = constriction, non-response to it = expansion or prompt for contemplation = expansion. There is no one without the other and that contrast is where the gold is. Ha I knew this blog would come full circle in some way, just had to trust it would and give it the space to come through.
TTYL
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